Crazy Train

So, I took a much needed mental health break from IF. I took the summer off of this TTC process and it was great. Highly recommended. Of course, I wasn’t completely free of IF thoughts and worries but for the most part it was a very enjoyable summer after grieving a failed fresh cycle.

But, the seasons change and here we are (sorry singing Guess who in my head now…) – in the midst of another IVF cycle. I was really surprised at how hard the negative results hit me but I picked myself up and tried to convince myself that this may have just been bad luck. We have tweaked some things I have been taking some supplements and trying to be as zen as possible. I was a lot more ambivalent during the whole process but after the retrieval I think shit got real again. Although things went as well as can be expected and we ended up with more eggs mature than last time I am still scared shitless that we could be in the same position as we were last time. It’s friggin’ scary. But it’s out of my hands now and I am hoping for the best.

Being the multi-tasking over achiever that I am I came up with the brilliant idea to go away on vacation (planned months ago) right after our IVF cycle. What I failed to really consider is that we will get our PGS results while we are in the middle of our trip…this could spell disaster OR could be great…I hope I can try to focus on it too much and enjoy myself…

End rant…I just find it helps me process things to write them down here.