So, since my last post I had my positive pregnancy confirmed by blood work (a nice solid number). I think the happy/relaxed part of my brain is malfunctioning. I immediately started worrying about the next one. The next one had increased nicely, and seems to be *just* about double the first one (well within normal limits of doubling time) but I just can’t seem to shut off the worry and negative thoughts. I think following too many IVF forums with women posting and it almost feels like a competition (whose beta is highest, how fast it can double etc). I think it is at times making this process more anxiety provoking because I am comparing myself to others which is completely irrational especially when it comes to beta levels as there is such a wide range of normal levels.
Through all the ups and downs I have been going through my husband remains away for work and I just need him with me. I think my heart and mind will feel a lot happier when he is by my side. It has been a long few months without him,
So for now I am waiting to hear when my ultrasound will be and trying to remain present and feel grateful that we have made it this far. I will say again having not traditionally been a super anxious person I am surprised how hard this has been for me to not let my mind spin and worry. It is a work in progress!
I have been listening to Fleetwood Mac on repeat and I’m connecting with this song today:
I never did believe in miracles
But I’ve a feeling it’s time to try
I never did believe in the ways of magic
But I’m beginning to wonder why